I am spending my child support on dildos
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
