I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
