dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
