We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
