I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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