hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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