he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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