So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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