i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
