i may or may not be watching the land before time
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
