Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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