There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
