I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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