Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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