Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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