your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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