SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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