Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
