I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize