I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
