he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
