Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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