Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
