well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
