No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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