she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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