Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
that is very illegal...i love you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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