I can text with my tongue
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
