we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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