i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
