i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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