dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
