i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You ate ashes out of my bong
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