Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
