Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
