he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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