Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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