WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize