I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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