The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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