woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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