the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
