BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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