I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize