Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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