I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
