I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
