Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize