why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
