Your tits are I can't wait for
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
