Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
