i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
