I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize