All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
