Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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