Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
