Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
