My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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