Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
