I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
