it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
