Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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