why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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