I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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