i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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