There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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