Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
