after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
