I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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