If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
