yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
