dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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