its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
